blog posts from the past week.

R.I.P. baby (Monday)

Today I found out dat a patient died..and it was a newborn baby as well..i was there when they had to resuscitate the baby..traumatic enuf experience for me..i can only imagine wat the mum must be feeling..i prayed for the baby..hoping it would make it..guess baby wasn’t meant to live..

I pray dat baby is resting in peace..and dat the family will be able to get through this difficult and unfortunate death..

This just goes to show dat every birth is truly indeed a miracle and I am truly blessed that I made it this far in life..


Repeated Thinking (Wednesday)

Only 2 more days till my long awaited 2 week break..and wat am I gonna do during my holiday? Im gonna sleep and sleep some more..

Ive been thinking a lot during my time at timaru..thinking abt my life plans..wat im gonna do in terms of my future career..ive always been the type to work hard, the perfectionist, the type to aim really high..ever heard of the saying dat goes something like, aim for the stars so u’ll land among the clouds..something along those lines..u get the drift..so im still thinking abt the question of whether ill work in urban or rural area..i kno now dat ill get amazing clinical exposure working in a rural hospital..but then again, am I willing to sacrifice my personal play time for dat? Do u seriously see me as the type to live in a rural area and go mountain biking (can’t even cycle) or go tramping (can walk but im too much of a girly girl for the outdoors)? Yea I kno it’s great fun but it’s ok once in a while..ive always been a city girl..i grew up in a big city..to move to chch was already a huge change..moving to dnd was bigger..and now to move to an even smaller place? Whoa..so im weighing up my options..tough decisions..

A bit of a repeat yea? Just shows this has been on my mind for the past few days..and it’s a huge decision to be made..it’s my future..determines the rest of my life..

In the mean time, ill just stone..as I always do..hahaha..


My perfectionism… (Thursday)

The weather is brilliant outside..pity it doesn’t correlate with my current mood..

I reckon im too much of a perfectionist and I def take criticism to heart..i hate it when ppl think im dumb..sometimes yea it’s tru but I kno im more intelligent than most ppl..(omg, I sound so bigheaded) but seriously, since doing medicine, ive doubted myself more than ever, lack confidence and basically turned into a timid shy girl who is afraid dat ppl will think badly of her..and becos of dat, most of the time I keep my mouth shut, which in turn leads ppl to believe im quiet and boring..vicious cycle..it’s a shame really, dat I do bother abt how ppl think of me..id rather not and I really admire ppl who are not afraid to be themselves, to truly show their real side and not care wat other ppl think..im trying to learn to be like dat slowly..it’s a struggle each day to learn to be happy with who I am and be contented at wat I do each day..i blame the perfectionist streak in me..there are days when my best is not enuf..and there are days when criticism stabs me and compliments are regarded as ppl just being nice..today was one of those days..