Manslation

ive been a bit uninspired to write..so i was surfing thru my usual blogs dat i read and came across this which was pretty interesting..from the "ask sam" blog..i shall add my own little comments amongst it all..


Manslation: the naked truth about men

I'm not sure what it is about male behaviour that has modern women in such a tizzy. After all, men are supposed to be linear creatures, born to hunt and catch their prey in a straightforward logical fashion without any unpredictability or irrationality.

So how do you explain this paradox: women have become more straightforward about their feelings than ever before while men are giving up all sorts of strange excuses for illogical behaviour. Not so logical after all!

agreed...

Hence you can imagine my elation at discovering that, out there, there's an entire dictionary translating what men say to your face into what men really think (and mean) when they say it thanks to the brilliant comedian Jeff Mac.

Titled Manslation: Decoding the Secret Language of Men, his tome, based on his cult blog of the same name, extols (much to his brotherhood's dismay), the secrets behind male actions, words, and why sometimes you have to send out a search party for the last guy you slept with because he hasn't returned any of your calls, texts, emails or Facebook messages ...

where can i find this book?!?! and wait..ive found his blog..

Want to know why he hasn't bought you flowers? "Easy - because flowers don't do anything cool," explains Mac.

but but...flowers can really impress a girl! just make sure they r nice ones and packaged in fanciful way..cos 2 dollar supermarket roses aint gonna cut it..

Wondering if you'll scare a man off if you call him first? "No way," responds Mac. "Well, not unless he's actually terrified of his phone, in which case you likely have bigger problems."

really? i always thot guys are intimidated of women who come on too strong..maybe men are now weaker and are happy dat girls can make the moves now..??

And, in case you're in a muddle as to why your beau can't just talk to you about "the relationship", Mac says it's about as likely as a gazelle waiting around to see if that lion is really friendly.

yea......this one cant be helped.....

Other claims reveal that all men perve on other women, only offer you a massage when they want sex and can't help adjusting their bits in public, constantly.

agreed dat all men perve on other women..just like all women perve on other men! HAHAHA!
and yea guess it can be assumed dat men only offer massages when they want sex..but then again, don't they want sex all the time? hehe..huge assumption there..and erm..i don't wanna kno abt adjusting bits of any kind..

Oh, and if a guy tells you within 30 seconds of introducing himself at the bar that he drives a hybrid because he cares about the environment, Mac says the manslation is simple: "He was trying to work his way into your bikini areas."

id be a bit weirded out if a guy tells me dat within 30 secs..i wouldn't think it's particularly effective..

And the biggie: what men really think of sex on the first date, to which Mac offers us - finally! - the heretical truth, even if we don't like it.

He explains that the male brain works in two parts: the "Before Sex Brain", and the "After Sex Brain". Before sex, men are very goal orientated. Their energy is directed at getting a woman into bed. In fact, Mac reckons, it's a "well-documented fact that a male's body can only power one thing at a time. Brain or penis".

hahaha...SO TRUE!

"If there's a chance for sex, it will not escape his attention. In a very real sense, that's what male attention is for. Well, that and setting up stereo equipment."

After sex, the second part of the brain takes over and he realises what's just happened. "Think of the werewolf or the Hulk after transforming back into the normal dude. "Wha...? How did...? Wha happa?"

hahahaha..dats kinda funny..but i'm SURE they knew how it happened..

"This is the part where the flowchart would come in handy. See, if he's not feeling any chemistry between you two, he might not have even KNOWN about it until this moment. Sex Brain was in charge up until now, and Sex Brain doesn't always require chemistry to proceed, you know what I'm saying? Obviously it's better with it, but as the old saying goes, even lousy pizza is still pizza."

but why would u eat lousy pizza if it's lousy??? unless u're really desperate for pizza...?

He concludes by saying that if you do happen to give it up on the first date to a dude you've just met and he bails instantly, it's not because you had sex with him on the first date. It's because that's all he wanted in the first place.

hence the moral of the story is, never have sex on the first date..like duh!

"He bailed because he got what he wanted - sex on the first try and no strings ... You can't make him stop liking you by having sex with him. And you most definitely will NEVER get him to START liking you by withholding sex. These two things aren't related in that way."

Insightful indeed. Another man once told me that if you find yourself back at his house on the first date, ask to borrow a book or a CD. If he lets you take it, he intends to see you again. If he makes up some lame excuse, you can bet he's going to give you the good 'ol pash and dash.

not a bad idea at all..very clever..

Other common manslations:

He says: "I just got out of a relationship and I don't think I'm ready."
Manslation: "I'm only recently single, and I'm not lonely enough right now to date you."

HAHA! yea they wanna check out the market before they make their selection..

He says: "Look, I'm a passionate person ... "
Manslation: Expect all kinds of erratic behaviour with no apologies.

yea the word passionate can mean all diff kinds of things..

He says: "I could never date a woman who is constantly asking 'Am I fat? Do I look fat in this?' "
Manslation: "I have never been in a relationship longer than a month."

i wonder if i would ever say "am i fat? do i look fat in this?"..prob not the word fat..but maybe change the word fat to ugly..yea im more likely to constantly ask "am i ugly? do i look ugly in this?" hahahahahaha...

He says: "What honey, of course I don't find her attractive."
Manslation: "I do find her attractive and the sexual part of my brain was just thinking about her naked. Please stop asking this, you don't want to know."

yea dats y don't even ask ur man if he finds other girls attractive..cos u kno honestly dat he does..haha..

He says: "That woman's shirt was really weird, did you see that?"
Manslation: "I was absolutely staring at that woman's boobs and I'm just making sure I'm covered with an alibi if you spotted me doing it."

HAHAHA! this one is so funny..

He says: "Your friend, what was her name? She was really fun."
Manslation: "I am picturing her naked right now."

oh dear..dats kinda dangerous..

When she says: "Do I look fat in this?
Manslation: "Red alert! Do not look at her body. Just tell her no no. No!"

i think all men shuld kno by now dat when a woman asks dat, never ever say she's fat or ugly..just say no..

Ladies, what are your manslation questions? And men, give us your best manslations!"

PS. Want to attract a man on the first date? Order the steak

According to a story in The New York Times, if women mention in their online profiles or on the first date that they like steak, they're more likely to nab a date, keep a date and even be proposed to by their date, as long as they don't end up with meat between their teeth. Apparently women ordering steak on a first date proves she's "unpretentious and down to earth and unneurotic", as well as a cheap date, low maintenance and not afraid to show her tomboyish side ...

i like steak..haha..in fact i love steak..but yea they can get stuck in my teeth..but isn't steak supposedly expensive? wouldn't dat mean the contrary dat she's high maintenance? (and yes i admit i can be a little high maintenance..) tomboyish? me?!?! i don't think most ppl would see me as a tomboy..hmm..now im craving steak :)