my worries

im a chronic worrier. i seriously worry abt everything in my life. myself, my family, my career, my health, my lovelife, my everything.

it's so bad until my real health age is 28 instead of 24, according to some health check questionnaire. im stressed abt my career and where it's heading towards. the things i need to do to get there. where im gonna be working in the future. jobs to apply for. places to stay. i kno ive only started my career and dat i shouldnt be so stressed but i cant help it. and i make things worse by applying for postgrad stuff, which requires me to do more work. ergh! i always create more work for myself one way or another.

then i stress abt my lovelife. im unsure of how far it's gonna go and the outcome of it all. whether im better off single or whether i shuld try it and see how far it goes. then i worry dat im wasting my time and dat being single is better off. then i worry dat i dont have any frens or anybody i can talk to abt all of this. dat everyone else is so happy in their own lives dat im the sad one who shuld cry in the corner. ive realised dat people do care but only to a certain extent. at the end of the day, ppl are more worried for themselves than insignificant others. ive realised dat im a loner and i dont like to share things. ive always felt like im on the outside looking in. sometimes i think im better off living alone. so dat i dont interfere in other people's lives or get annoyed by how other ppl live their lives ard me. it's sad to say this but ive come to the conclusion dat i have no best fren. and the sadder part of it is dat ive had no best fren my whole life. but ive been ok abt dat. ive learnt to accept dat im not best fren material either.

i can say for certain dat im truly not happy with my life. i kno this is a most depressing entry but i really feel like im living each day as each day comes. i havent felt happy in the longest time to the point where i cant remember feeling happy. even when u see me smile, it's all a facade, so dat u dont become infected with my depression. people tend to stay away fr sad ppl. it's draining.

ill be ok. i always end up being ok. so dont worry abt me. ill come rite..eventually. i'll just...get over it.