rejection

rejection sucks..big time..

i got rejected by one of my elective placements last wk..was lying in bed when i got the letter fr my mum who had just collected the mail..opening and reading the letter in bed just made me want to stay in bed..i wanted to stay in bed all day and sleep all day so i could forget abt it..

rejection fr other things in life gives me the same feeling..the sense of disappointment..the feeling tht u're not good enuf..the feeling tht nobody wants u..it's amazing how most ppl end up lying in bed after rejection..

i watched sex and the city last wk and when carrie got ditched..she slept..lots..i could def relate to tht..not wanting to face the world..not wanting ppl's pity..wanting to forget tht it even happened..

rejection makes ppl depressed..ive been rejected a number of times and i hate the feeling..absolutely hate it..been rejected in various aspects of my life..fr elective applications to summer studentship applications to friendship circles to relationships..they all hurt..bad..until i have to learn to expect rejection in order to prepare myself mentally for it..otherwise the shock would just kill me..

ppl say what doesn't kill u only makes u stronger..im not dead so i shuld be stronger..am i? i try to be..try to be tough and expect the worst so tht i dnt get disappointed..hence ive lost a lot of hope..hope in myself..hope in other ppl..hope in this world..which is actually really sad..i kno i shuldn't be like this but really it's become a protective mechanism..which i think has changed me..someone told me the other day im not as 'vibrant' as i used to be..i dunno whether it's becos of age or becos of the pessimism..maybe it's both..