a reminder

ive been coughing and hacking for more than 3 weeks now. grr. been on a course of antibiotics but still no good. cant take sick leave cos we're severely understaffed. so im coughing away and my patients are worried they r gonna get my cough. hmm. slightly annoying.

but anyways, im gonna talk abt a patient who i admitted the other day.

it was an elderly lady who came in with painless jaundice. sounds familiar??? she was soo severely jaundiced and kinda reminded me of me when i was once jaundiced. and her bilirubin levels can compare with mine. hers was in the mid 200s. she was referred in by her GP and had a CT scan which showed gallbladder cancer. sad story. it gets worse. i go to see her and find out the history. turns out she's the last surviving member of her family. she's a miss and her parents and siblings have all passed away. she was once engaged but her fiance died in his 30s. she's not married, doesnt have any children but has lots of friends and lives alone at home with a dog. a cute one too. a maltese terrier. throughout the conversation, she starts asking me questions. "are you married?" "err no, im not." "do you have a boyfriend?" "actually i do." "well, you should hurry up and get married and have lots of babies." "laughs" "at least 4."

and then i had to tell her the diagnosis and that the scan shows it's most likely cancer. sigh. hate telling ppl bad news. she took it rather well though. and then when i went back to the nurse's station to write my notes, it kinda hit me. a few months ago, my mind was set on being a spinster. to live with my sister and have a dog. i even wanted a maltese or a terrier. i was also jaundiced a few months ago. and then i realised, i would have probably been the last member of the family to survive if me and my sister were both spinsters. and then i realised if i was diagnosed with a terminal illness, i would be all alone. and then i felt like crying.

luckily i didnt cry right there and then, but i was certainly close. she reminded me of the future i was planning out for myself a few months ago. and there she was, telling me to get married quickly and have kids. it seemed to me she wanted dat for herself but couldnt. it seemed she was lonely although she had frens and i could tell she was contented with her life but i could see regret. it made me sad.

she's going home tmr and she wants to continue living at home with her dog, molly. it's times like these dat im glad im a doctor, to have the privilege of knowing someone else's life story. and to have it influence ur own.