birthday wishes

this is a bit of a delayed post..

everyone has their "special" day and mine was last week..on tues to be exact..i remember always complaining when i was younger dat my bday was during the hols..so i could never celebrate with frens or have bday parties..come to think of it, i think the only party dat my parents ever organised for me was my 1st bday..every other bday when i was growing up consisted of me choosing my own cake..i still remember dat cake shop called angie's choice..and i would always choose the one with the face of a girl with pigtails..i look back on photos and remember making a huge deal of having a bday cake..making special note to have my bday wish and blow out the candles..

as i got older, my bdays were still mostly celebrated with family..cos i would usually be on holiday in sg and we would have dinner out and have cake at home..and still, i would usually choose the cake..

i remember a special bday dat i had in sg tho when my sis organised a surprise bday party..it was a bit sad tho dat i didnt really have any frens in sg becos we moved to nz so early..but yea i really did appreciate the effort she made in organising it..and her frens were like my big sisters and brothers who helped in making dat bday memorable..

and when i was approaching 21, i thot rite, maybe i shuld celebrate it with a big bang..so i organised one rite after 3rd yr exams..which was in nov..haha..like 2 mths early..to have ppl there before the big split up of the year group..it was a hassle to organise esp with exams ard the corner..but i had frens who contributed which helped a lot..and when the time came, it turned out to be more of a big end of yr party..there were a few funny memories, like when i blew half a flaming shot onto the bartender who was pretty pissed off..hehe..and when i got kicked out of the bar..lol..and when i threw away all my inhibitions and did an embarrassing performance..haha..but i made a particular wish dat bday..which up to now still hasnt come tru..

the actual date of turning 21 was nothing special..didnt have a cake cos already had one at the party..my bday then became like any other day..the next bday was no better really..it was spent with family like before..and we had dinner the nite before the actual day..on the day itself, i was feeling unwell so laid in bed most of the day..my mum had actually bought cake but i didnt eat any of it..i never made the wish or blew out the candles..

to me, the point of celebrating bdays is to have bday cake, make the wish and blow out the candles..it was the one day of the yr where i was allowed to make wishes..and i guess ever since i realised wishes never really do come tru, i kinda gave up at the hope of making bday wishes..thereby not having cake at all..bday cakes remind me of unfulfilled wishes..so even now, i dread the day itself..

so wat happened this yr? well..for the first time, my bday was not during the hols so i couldnt escape ppl wishing me happy bday..and thks to reminders from facebook, the bday wishes came in one by one..i also didnt have family ard..which was a first..but instead, a dear fren organised a "catch up" the nite before..and i guess half of me knew it was for my bday..lo and behold, yup it was for my bday..and instead of cake, i got 2 muffins..which i thot was kinda funny..since i was prejudiced against bday cakes..i dunno if it was God's way of making me come to accept bdays once again or if it was just a fluke..she had called the wrong branch of the bakery so went to the wrong shop..and could only find muffins from coffee culture..very funny story..and instead of stick candles..she got the fragrance candle from one of those home accessories shop..and dat sat in the middle of the 2 muffins..oh the irony of it all..this time i did make a wish and im still waiting to see if it's gonna come tru..if it does, i'll be super happy and if it doesn't, then i guess bday wishes are really not for me anymore..

it's funny tho how as u get older, events like bdays become less of a big deal..the day itself becomes just like any other day and ppl lose track of how old they r turning..i personally dnt expect presents anymore and if i do, they r a surprise..

im approaching the mid twenties and yet there r times when i still feel like the little girl who didnt have a care in the world but those times are few..most of the time, i feel older than my age with stress and worries abt my future and the life dat lies ahead of me..at the end of the day, age is really just a number and how i feel now does not truly reflect how old i am..how i wish i could go back to the innocence of childhood where my only worry is which cake to choose..